Nana

Anyone who  has lost a child has issues surrounding his or her death. It may be things they said or didn’t say. It could be the timing of things, if they had only visited, if they had not let them drive, if they would have called. These things change you; sometimes they change you more […]

Justice for Nash

I told Todd about the suggestion my client at work had given me about the lawyer. I felt strongly that if we could get him to take our case, we could get answers, we could get some sort of justice for our little Nash. I knew it would be hard. This was a big time lawyer […]

The Terrible Twos

Realistically,  I know people understand that you never get over the loss of a child. I do think however, that some think it gets better with time. In some ways, I agree. When Nash first died, I had more bad days than good. Then, slowly but surely, I started having more good days than bad. […]

Mother’s Day

To me, Mother’s Day has always been about celebrating the woman who raised me. A day where every one of my siblings tries to see our mom, or at the very least call her. Not only do I call my mom, but I also always call my grandma. Now, I will admit, I never used […]

One

One…..one……one……this number is my everything. My life has revolved around this number for the last year and a half. When I was pregnant with Crue, I kept repeating in my head, “Just get him to one.” When he was born, “Just get him to one.” Every time he turned another month older, I wasn’t celebrating […]

Renewed faith

This long road of grief has led me to many dark places. I have felt alone, separated from my husband, my family, even Crue. When life got hard pre-Nash, I prayed about it. I “gave it all to Jesus”, as some would say. I think that’s the first time I have ever used that phrase, but […]

Grandpa Greg

I only had a small glimpse as a child of what it was like  to have a grandfather. My dad’s dad died when he was twelve and my mother never knew her father. When my dad married Peggy I gained aunts, uncles, cousins,brothers and sisters, all of which I already had and this was just […]

Chad

Everyone has expectations for the family they want, or see themselves having. My dream was like many I’m sure, I wanted your typical all American tight knit family. I pictured my family laughing and sharing the day’s events at the dinner table as we ate. I grew up doing that, and if we hadn’t, my parents would […]

Firsts

When most people think of their child’s “firsts”, they think of them crawling for the first time, walking, or saying their first words. Seeing Crue hit milestones his brother never had the chance to hit has been amazing to watch. The firsts that have been monumental to me would be rather normal, everyday things for […]

Crying in separate rooms

Throughout my whole life, I’ve been told how difficult marriage is, how hard it is to hold it all together. Personally, I know more divorced people than married people. I don’t judge people for being divorced. My parents divorced when I was very young, and I believe I was a happier kid because of it. I […]