Going back to work

I stayed home with Crue for eight weeks. In those eight weeks, I endured every emotion you can think of. One minute I was happier than I ever thought possible, and the next I was a mess, crying and balled up on the floor. All the familiar things came back to me. The bottles, the […]

Our bonding moment

Most mothers have told me that you have an instant connection to your baby the moment it takes his or her first breath. I can relate to that, I felt that way with Nash. The moment Crue took his first breath, the most overwhelming feeling I had was relief. Ten fingers, ten toes, one good set […]

Loving Crue 

Holding Crue in my arms is one of the most painful, yet healing, experiences of my life. I’m literally on an emotional roller coaster. I can stare at his little chubby face for hours and I feel so incredibly blessed to do this again; to be someone’s mommy. To me there is nothing better. To […]

Crue’s first days

They wheeled me to a recovery room after surgery. This is where I really got to spend some quality time with my little family. With Nash, I didn’t get this time, and I was happy to have it with Crue. It was obvious that the hospital staff had heard our story by now. They were very attentive and […]

Raising a daughter

When I explained my wish to have a boy after losing Nash, many people started giving me advice. They told me about their close relationships with their daughters. How having a daughter is like having a mini me or a best friend to take shopping. They talked about their close relationship with their mothers. I […]

My relationship with God

I did not grow up in a home where we went to church on Sundays. Other than my grandma taking me from time to time as a child, I knew very little of God. For some reason, which I can not recall, I started praying every night when I was a child. No one taught me. My […]

Bring on the 9th!!

I have found that unfortunately when a tragedy like this happens, people either step up or step out. Those that step up do it in a big way. Todd’s cousin Christina has been one of those people. I’ve always known she was an awesome girl with a big heart, but through all of this I […]

Media attention

As I was looking at the posts, I saw that my friend Kasey said, “Let’s do this the 9th of every month!” I knew that it would help me so much on those milestone days. I also knew though that people would tire of it and probably not keep doing things. I would face that […]

The funeral

I dreaded the morning of the funeral more than any other day. I had that almost happy feeling I always did that I could go see him. This morning however, I knew it would be for the last time. How do you do that? How do you look at your baby, this wonderful soul that […]