Chronic Pain

I woke up the following morning nervous to start medication. When your an over thinker, like myself, your brain tends to run on overdrive, usually with negative thoughts like; Will I be on this medication forever? What kind of side effects will I have? Will it make me tired? Will it make me a zombie? Will […]


Anyone who  has lost a child has issues surrounding his or her death. It may be things they said or didn’t say. It could be the timing of things, if they had only visited, if they had not let them drive, if they would have called. These things change you; sometimes they change you more […]

Justice for Nash

I told Todd about the suggestion my client at work had given me about the lawyer. I felt strongly that if we could get him to take our case, we could get answers, we could get some sort of justice for our little Nash. I knew it would be hard. This was a big time lawyer […]

The Terrible Twos

Realistically,  I know people understand that you never get over the loss of a child. I do think however, that some think it gets better with time. In some ways, I agree. When Nash first died, I had more bad days than good. Then, slowly but surely, I started having more good days than bad. […]


For some reason, and I’m not sure why, the majority of my memories of Nash are his final month. They are the most vivid in my mind. Not until Crue was born did I remember things from the earlier months, mostly because he would do something  similar to Nash and it would spark a memory. […]

June 9th, 2015

On June 8th, 2015, I sat in my room crying most of the day like every other day in June so far. I sat in the Nash nook staring out the window at the bright blue sky and wanted to die. I knew tomorrow I would look at my Timehop and see my baby boy […]


June…my last weeks with Nash. You know how when there is a tsunami or hurricane warning, they advise you to seek higher ground, evacuate, or stock up on non-perishables and find the nearest shelter? That’s what June feels like to me. Only this time I have the warning; I know the storm is coming but […]

The power of a smile

There are many similarities between Crue and Nash, and yet they are different in so many ways. I would be lying if I didn’t say I enjoy their similarities. I find comfort in them. One minute they can look like twins and the next they look nothing alike.  They both have pale skin, big eyes, […]

The Nash Nook

I’m sure everyone has had a moment in their life where they come across a mother who has lost a child and certain things about that mother grabbed their attention, whether it be how good she looked, or how bad; how friendly, or how sad. There is just something that mesmerizes you. Maybe not, maybe […]