Call me Crazy

About four months in, I felt like a shell of myself. I finally posted on the Facebook forum for vertigo. I listed all my symptoms, asking if anyone else shared similar ones. Two girls commented that it sounded very similar to what they experienced when they first started developing a condition called “POTS”. I looked it […]

Does God Hate Me

Not long after Todd and I decided we were done having children, we decided we were not. Seeing Crue at the playground with other kids, or playing with his cousins, really pulled at our heart strings. We have come so far. We have been through so much. For what? To just give up?  We decided we would […]

Boy Mom

The day of our induction, they asked us if we would like genetic testing done on our baby. They warned us that it would be expensive, but may give us answers as to why we lost the baby. Not only would it give us these answers, but we would find out the gender as well.  We didn’t […]

Triggers

Anyone who has lost a loved one can tell you they have certain things happen in their day to day that trigger a memory of their loved one. It could be a song, a smell, or even  a glance at a familiar looking stranger. I not only have triggers that remind me of Nash, but specific […]

The Ugly Truth

Before I start this blog entry I want to warn you that I’m going to be brutally  honest about my miscarriage experience. That means I’m going to be talking about blood, a lot of it. I’m going to be talking about female body parts and a fetus. If this is too much for you, or […]

The unthinkable 

When I got sick with the flu, I felt like death. I had never really had the flu before so I wasn’t sure if I was being the biggest baby in the world, or if what I was feeling was out of the norm. I woke Wednesday morning and could barely stand. When I stood […]

The plague

I’m one of those people, that although I know you can lose a baby after the first trimester, I knew it was rare in comparison. Something about hitting that 14 week mark makes you want to do cartwheels and sing from the roof tops. I think many pregnant women  can tell you they breathe a […]

The decision 

Deciding to have Crue was not much of a decision at all. We went by our gut, our emotions. No conversation needed, just a silent understanding and a longing to have the family we once had. It wasn’t until we became pregnant that  we actually thought about what we truly got ourselves into. Yes, we […]

Growing pains

Every parent can vouch for the fact that their baby grows up too fast. I feel that with Crue, I see it, and I fight myself internally trying to grasp at any way to keep him little forever. This past 18 months has been for me emotionally what a heart transplant would be for someone […]

Social media

All of the political views posted lately have me reflecting on my love/hate relationship with social media.  I remember not being able to go on Facebook for days when Nash first died . I knew there would be apology after apology, and I didn’t want what happened to be real. I didn’t want to face that […]