What’s in a name?

Finding a name for our rainbow baby was unbelievably hard. I had the name Nash picked out since I was a teenager. I always loved it. Gregory, his middle name, was chosen in honor of Todd’s dad. Nash, after all, was his first and only grandson until now. I loved the way it sounded, Nash […]

Loving Crue 

Holding Crue in my arms is one of the most painful, yet healing, experiences of my life. I’m literally on an emotional roller coaster. I can stare at his little chubby face for hours and I feel so incredibly blessed to do this again; to be someone’s mommy. To me there is nothing better. To […]

Crue’s first days

They wheeled me to a recovery room after surgery. This is where I really got to spend some quality time with my little family. With Nash, I didn’t get this time, and I was happy to have it with Crue. It was obvious that the hospital staff had heard our story by now. They were very attentive and […]

Crue’s birthday

I never wanted a c-section with Nash. To me, the thought of surgery was scarier than actual labor. My doctor knew this and made sure there was no other option before she told me we needed to go that route. You can’t help but feel like you failed in some way when you can’t have […]

A letter to you

 Your dad and I have done everything in our power to prepare for your arrival. Everything we know to keep you safe. There are so many things we have done for you that we never even thought of doing for Nash. Nash is your older brother in heaven. Every breathing and moving monitor on the […]

Guardian angel

Most babies break my heart. I can look at them and smile and for the most part fake excitement but truth is, it hurts to see babies. Every baby that is older than Nash when he passed is a reminder to me that he died. I’m jealous of every parent who has their child longer […]

Nash bear

Never in a million years did I think that a teddy bear would play such an important role in my life. Never did I think it would be the one thing that helps take away some small part of the grief I am experiencing after Nash’s passing, but it does. If there is something that […]

Hospital rules

Many of my friends and family have expressed concerns about doing the wrong thing on the day we welcome our rainbow baby. They want to be there but don’t want to impose. They want to hold him but are not sure how we will feel. I wish I could give them an easy answer, but […]