My relationship with God

I did not grow up in a home where we went to church on Sundays. Other than my grandma taking me from time to time as a child, I knew very little of God. For some reason, which I can not recall, I started praying every night when I was a child. No one taught me. My […]

Selling the house

I grew up in the small town of Omer in the country at the end of a dirt road. I wanted that life for our children. When Todd and I started our search for a house, I knew I did not want to live in a subdivision. I wanted a house with property and a […]

Going back to work

I had planned to go back to work two weeks before I actually did, but every time Sunday would roll around I would call and say I needed one more week. I didn’t want to face life. I didn’t want things to just move on. I remember getting up that first morning. Forcing myself to […]

Going through the motions

It’s strange that I can be having a seemingly good day and something will just set me off into this insane tailspin of depression. Seeing a parent pushing a stroller, seeing Nash’s empty nursery, his empty car, his bottles in the cabinet. It can sometimes be something completely unrelated to Nash. One day I went […]

August 9, 2014

Todd and I had a lot planned for the day ahead. Todd and many other friends and family members were participating in a golf outing that was put on by the Olivia Raine foundation. It’s a foundation that helps with the financial burden of funeral costs for infants. They paid for almost all of Nash’s […]

Our rainbow baby

When I got home from work one day, Caroline and Chad brought us dinner. Becca and her girls had just left. I chatted for a bit and then headed to the bathroom before I ate. When I was in the bathroom, I glanced down at the trash and saw two pregnancy tests just thrown right […]

Another baby?

When we were struggling to get pregnant with Nash, we reached a point where we were OK with the idea that children were not in the cards for us. We were blessed to have great relationships with our nieces and nephews and started thinking about all the positives of not having children. We could go […]

Guilt

Anyone who has lost a child will tell you that guilt becomes a huge part of their new life. It’s as prevalent as your five senses. It’s always there. There isn’t one thing I do during the day that I don’t feel guilty about. Breathing, eating, driving, laughing, smiling, watching TV, even listening to the […]

Nash’s friends

When you are struggling to conceive, Facebook can be an incredibly hard thing to follow. People announcing their pregnancies, posting ultrasound pics, posting pics of their newborn. I was always happy for my friends but I was sad at the same time. Would I ever be one of them? Would I ever get a chance […]

Bring on the 9th!!

I have found that unfortunately when a tragedy like this happens, people either step up or step out. Those that step up do it in a big way. Todd’s cousin Christina has been one of those people. I’ve always known she was an awesome girl with a big heart, but through all of this I […]