The blog

After I would write down how I was feeling, I would have my sister check it for any spelling errors. I am by no means an English major. Once she read them, she would encourage me to share them with people I knew. I couldn’t; it was too personal, too raw. I eventually let Becca read them as well. I got the same reaction. She would say, “Shelly you need to share these.” I thought, these are for me. What purpose would I have in sharing them with my friends and family? People would think I just wanted sympathy. She said, “No, these could help people. People going through what you are going through.” I gave in and said, “You post it then.” I could always lie and say I didn’t know she did it if people had a bad reaction. She shared it on Facebook. I couldn’t even look. Hours later I thought OK, let’s see the two comments I probably got, most likely saying why is she writing about this. I was surprised to see 25 shares. 30 comments. People saying how they cried all the way through them. How insightful it was. They begged me to keep writing and sharing them. The thing that got me the most was strangers writing comments on my blog. They would say I feel like I know you, I feel like I know your family, I feel like I knew Nash! My heart swelled with pride. They know Nash! They know he was here! They pray for him! I could share him with everyone. I looked at the stats on my blog 1500 views! I just posted it two hours before! People in Germany, Japan, Australia! They were reading about our Nash! I knew then I would never stop writing…the more people that knew about him in my opinion the better!

It’s a strange thing. I always intended to be brutally honest about everything I was feeling. That meant sharing my family’s pain too. I started to worry. Is Todd OK with this? Are his parents? These were insanely personal things I was now sharing with the people closest to them. I was surprised when they told me that if it helps me to keep doing it. Todd would get after me. You haven’t posted in a while, you better get on that. He loved reading them. What was most surprising was how hard Todd, his family, our friends would cry reading them but would reread them over and over again. Why is that? I find myself even reading them again. It has helped me on so many levels. It’s become a manual for my friends and family. Almost like a “how to” in dealing with Todd and I. When people approach me now that have read them, I don’t feel the need to explain how we are doing. They just know. You have no idea what a great feeling that is when you are going through something like this. To be gotten, to be understood by people who love you but can not relate with their own personal experience. When my friend lost her baby, I remember thinking how terrible it was. I thought of her going to his funeral. I had no idea about all the other things she was going through. My circle of friends and family do know. They look at us and have a small insight into our grief and you can feel them grieving with us. You can also feel them rooting us on. They want our story to have a happy ending. Looking back now, I know Nash had a hand in it. He had to have. It was helping me, it was helping his dad, it was helping his family, it was helping others. That’s the kind of person I know he would have been.

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15 thoughts on “The blog

  1. Shelly I love reading your post just to know hoe your doing its like we talk all the time. I never know what to say to you but your family is in my thoughts and prayers daily.

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  2. Reading from Texas. Your blog is amazing and so are you. Your writing has developed with each blog post. I think your story has also become a “how to” for people faced with such a loss–what not to say at a funeral, what not to do. How do you go on? I have no idea. The world is crying with you.

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  3. I feel very determined to help Nash live on….I have Payed it forward so many times…which isn’t my point…but by doing this I am sharing Nash around the world. ..I live in Colorado now but grew up in Michigan. .Fenton..my parents were good friends with Elmer and Joyce…Joyce and my mom Elsie both received a Pin from Joes bowling alley in fenton for 300 point game…they were on the same team…my father and Elmer..went hunting and fishing together. .they were connected to my family…as I feel You and Todd and sweet baby Nash is…I made a vow to pray Everyday for each of you and I will do just that…it is a privilege and a blessing…God keep you and bless you♡♥♡

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  4. I understand your grief. I have traveled the emotional road that is your future. Continue with your blogs as they are therapeutic for you and others. Sending prayers of strength for you both today. Your will find your new normal and it will not happen overnight, but you WILL find it and when you do, thinking of Nash will bring you smiles and not tears. Keep your faith and remind yourself that when you get to Heaven FOREVER is FOREVER!

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  5. Thank you for sharing….I love reading your blog, it’s good to hear how you guys are doing. I pray for you and Todd often, along with Greg and Peggy, who are great neighbors and friends! In my own struggles throughout my life, I have found that writing my feelings down has always helped me, so I think it is good that you are doing that. Thinking of you….

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  6. I am good friends with some of your family up north. I work with Amanda in CCU. We see grieving and loss all the time. You never get used to it. Most of the time you cry with the families. The night that I learned of Nash and everything that happened…..I couldn’t get a hold of myself. I became friends with Melissa and Jeremy shortly after Bristol passed. I too had just had a baby, her name is Hannah. I would sob and think about how terrible that must be for them.
    I now have an 8 month old, Addison is her name. I would see pictures of Nash and say, “he looks just like Addison. So healthy and happy.” I would cry and think about how hard we tried to have kids and i would almost make myself sick to my stomach thinking about if I were to ever lose one of them. I thought about how awful things must be for you guys right now.
    I guess I am trying to tell you and Todd, we do know your story and little Nash. We talk about you and how horrible it must be. I share your blog to FB and I have family and friends who read it who live all over the state and outside of the state. People are praying for you and your family and little Nash. I still cry when I read anything you write. I hope you don’t stop and I hope it continues to help.

    Always thoughts and prayers for you and your family!

    Ashley Y.

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  7. Reading from New York, but Fenton is home. I’ve been checking your blog every morning. What a strange way to start my day, sobbing over the blog about a family I never met. I think I come here looking for hope – hope that you will find answers that bring you peace, hope that you have days filled with more happy than sad moments, and hope that you continue to recall great memories of your adorable baby boy. I think and pray for you and Todd daily, especially when I look at my own son. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  8. Shelly, I used to work for the same company as Becca, although I’m not sure she would even know who I was. Anyway, I just wanted to say that you are so inspirational to so many in the way that you have embraced this tragedy and made it your goal to honor and remember Nash by writing this, and also by the “Have a Nash Day” that you have started. I believe, whole-heartedly that Nash is proud of his Mommy for continuing to go on and for making people smile in his honor. Because of you, he is remembered and still touching lives. Your family is in my prayers daily.

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  9. I’m with Sarah, I check it every morning and find myself crying as I’m trying to get ready for work. I check it at night when I come home and I look forward to reading more. Part of me doesn’t want to read it because of the sadness but I also want to hear how wonderful little Nash was. Your words are touching and inspiring to obviously so many. I’ve always had a really hard time with death and understanding why. When I was 14 my friends Dad died suddenly at work and I remember seriously questioning GOD’s existence and if there was really a GOD why he would take a way this great man. I never understood it and when I first learned of your loss I started questioning the same thing. I hope more than anything that you and Todd find peace and Nash keeps smiling down on you.

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  10. I read them…..all of them and cry like a baby. Made the mistake of reading one before work today…..needless to say I was a hot mess. I was telling your story last week at lunch and several people cried. I have a 4 month old and this has made me appreciate all the long nights and days. I am so sorry you are going through this, but from what I read you were chosen for a reason. You are stronger than I could ever be and most others for that matter. Stay strong, that’s what Nash would have wanted. I don’t know you, but I love you!

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  11. I’m from your area and look for your blogs posted through a family member. I see Nash, I see his sweet smile and I can feel the amazing joy he gave you. What an incredible spirit he has to continue to inspire you and your family despite the pain. Thank you for sharing him with us, even as strangers we are so incredibly lucky to know him, through you.

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  12. Reading your story has touch my life so much. I talk about your story and your baby boy Nash often and do indeed feel like I have known you and your family yet i’ve never even seen you. Your story has made me cry at the same time I’m smiling reading about how much Nash ment to you. I have a baby boy who just turned six months as well, with teething coming in and sleepless nights my patience was growing thin. So I turn to your blog and it has made me cherish my Remington more than ever. Thank you for sharing your feelings and letting people read your story! I follow you on facebook and always check in to see if there is a new blog posted. I have so much love for your family and send lots of prayers for your healing process!

    Praying from holly mi

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  13. Reading from so. California. …I am so touched by your story…I thonk of you, Todd, and Nash daoly and look for updates on how you’re doing….you have made me stop and rwalize how precious life is and to cherish every moment even the difficult ones…my Roman is almost 5 months and I think of Nash every day when I look at him. I printed the .jpeg cards and keep them in my car and diaper bag for any Nash day moments….especially looking forward to Aug 9th…I share your story at every opportunity. God bless and I pray for your healing.

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