The blog

After I would write down how I was feeling, I would have my sister check it for any spelling errors. I am by no means an English major. Once she read them, she would encourage me to share them with people I knew. I couldn’t; it was too personal, too raw. I eventually let Becca […]

Relearning To Breathe

A lady had told me at the end of Nash’s funeral, now you can go home and begin to heal. Well let me tell you, it doesn’t feel like healing. When we were finally alone in our home, the true pain started. I didn’t realize it could get any worse than what we had already […]

Cedar Point

My family from out of state had all planned on traveling to Michigan soon to meet Nash. My sister Melissa had planned on making a trip out of it and taking her kids to Cedar Point a few hours away in Ohio. Unfortunately, their trip to Michigan would be for his funeral instead. We only […]

The blame game

I was surprised at this point that I wasn’t angry with God or the sitter. I wasn’t at a point where I was blaming anyone. I didn’t see how it would change what had happened. One day, however, it all got the best of me. The day before the actual funeral, I couldn’t find Todd. […]

Saying goodbye

After we released the balloons, we headed back into the funeral home. I couldn’t get to Nash fast enough. I grabbed him out of the casket, sobbing. I sat on the couch, rocking Nash with Todd at my side. The three of us alone in this big empty room. Nash had always made a room […]

The funeral

I dreaded the morning of the funeral more than any other day. I had that almost happy feeling I always did that I could go see him. This morning however, I knew it would be for the last time. How do you do that? How do you look at your baby, this wonderful soul that […]

Showing off Nash

We decided to have two showings. Roger had told us that that may be hard on us. Two showings and a funeral is a lot to go through. We felt we truly needed to do it though. We had so many people coming from out of town, out of state for that matter! We didn’t […]

Planning a funeral

Then next morning, Todd and I and a few family members headed to the funeral home. The funeral home director, Roger, went over the details with us. I was numb for a great deal of this. I was still in a funk believing that this wasn’t really happening. I didn’t want to do it at […]

Cremation or burial

A question I had thought of for myself but never for Nash. The thought alone can physically make me sick. How do you decide such a thing? The funeral home needed to know. Todd and I talked. At first we didn’t agree. Oh no, is this going to be the first of many things we […]

Our backbone

We didn’t get much sleep that first night home. The house seemed so empty. I had always dreamed of raising a family there. The night before Nash died, Todd and I had talked about having another child. We wanted Nash to have that buddy for life. I joked, telling Todd that I could just hear […]